DALLAS, Texas—After seventeen years of living in Kathrin Beck’s shadow, long-suffering classmates rejoice in having successfully pushed to nullify her every hard-won achievement.
Previously, Beck, a senior at Westlake High School, was ranked third in her class of 863 students. Juggling extracurricular activities such as editing the school newspaper, volunteering at the animal shelter, and serving as student body president, she spent her remaining time studying at home or attending tutorials to maintain her grades.
This Thursday, however, uneasy classmates came to the consensus that Beck puts in far too much effort for her endeavors to count for anything and petitioned to invalidate them. Her schedule has since been freed to accommodate healthier, more low-achieving activities, like Netflix and chill.
“Yeah, she did a lot of cool things, but she tried really hard. We only had her best interests in mind,” said current student body president Jessica Gillman, 18, after officially removing Beck’s name from the roster. “Her drive was unhealthy. If you have to try that hard for something, you probably don’t deserve it.”
WHS junior Trent Johnson, 17, further explains the sins of trying too hard. “If you’re a try-hard, it means you didn’t have it in you to begin with. So instead of rewarding those people, we reward the ones who try the least and still get by. Like, Kathrin studied for that Calculus test and got a 95, but I didn’t study for that test and passed. So who’s really smarter?”
“Kathrin tries so hard, she’s always reading books that aren’t even assigned to her,” Bailey Xie, 17, agrees. “I, on the other hand, haven’t read anything since fifth grade. In fact, I get this sense of accomplishment from every book I don’t read. The more books I don’t read, the more impressed people get, and I channel all that admiration into increasing the number of books I choose not to read.”
When asked if she was, then, trying hard to not read books, Xie responded: “I’m trying hard, but not that hard.”
“I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong,” Beck admitted tearfully when approached for comment. “I just did my best.”