Unlike most people I know, I’m proud to say that I never break my New Year’s Resolutions because I never make them.
(Okay, so my first post of 2016 was called 15 Things I Need to Stop Doing This Year”—maybe it should have been 16, to include lying—and I was actually proud of it, which means everything essentially went downhill from that point on. But those weren’t actual, serious resolutions.)
… Not serious resolutions either. They’re really highlights (or, looked at a different way, nadirs) of my year expressed in list form.
12 Resolutions I Should Have Made This Year
- Learn how to make a memorable entrance that doesn’t entail tripping over an entire desk while trying to sit in front of business competition interview judge.
- Keep tabs on my phone, which, irritatingly enough, habitually loses itself.
- Stop trying to understand my cat and dance competitions, because that way madness lies.
- Enjoy a vacation without getting scammed into rocky beaches and potential herpes.
- Stop confidently trying new things at the last possible minute to avoid literally gray skin.
- Check weather forecasts before attempting to have fun. (AKA, don’t attend Senior Skip Day, which is probably going to be easy, considering there’s only one of those.)
- Resist the urge to play dead after making embarrassing first impressions.
- Not give such a wide window of opportunity for people to kidnap me.
- Wait an hour or two before immediately assuming my roommate’s dead.
- Keep a supply of white rice in my dorm for soaked phones and midnight snacks, if I’m feeling low enough.
- Decide on who to vote for prior to voting.
- Deal with oil-based dorm fires by using wet rags or by neutralizing my roommate.
Like my page on Facebook! I try to post on Sundays, and sometimes I’m so good that I post a day early. (Or… bad. Look, I’m out of the country.)