My 12 Defining Moments of 2018: Blog Highlights

You would think that, after an entire life’s worth of exchanging small talk, I would’ve learned that when you ask people “how was your weekend?,” they answer and then ask you it back. The expectation of my response catches me by surprise, every. Single. Time.

As I dispatch my last two brain cells to recollect the past couple of days’ worth of events, the conversation usually goes down two directions. I sheepishly express the equivalent of “I don’t remember,” and either they assume I was blackout drunk the entire weekend or they’re right.

The latter

Person: Great, thanks for asking! I went paddleboarding with my sister and then we chased fireflies in the park and had dinner with the Obamas. What about you, how was your weekend?

Me:

Person:

Person: That eventful, huh?

I always thought it’d help if I just cataloged weekend highlights to better prepare myself for social interaction, and instead of acting on that thought, I decided to apply the concept to something longer term (read: with a more realistic turnaround,) like my blog. Here are some highlights of 2018 so you (but more so I) can recall what I’ve been up to.

What I Blogged About in 2018

 

1. Flying while not rich.

“I suffer from a condition that strikes a few times a year. Symptoms range from stress-eating suspiciously packaged microwaveable dinners to hearing the echoes of anguished screams in purgatory to observing time lose all meaning.”

2. My laptop quitting its job with style.

“I’m regularly informed by the older people in my life that I’m obsessed with technology. What I want to know is why is technology so obsessed with me?”

3. Getting the only phone number that mattered and have it be sad.

“I imagine if I told you I got someone’s number, you’d picture me walking up to an attractive guy and asking for it. And then, trying to reconcile that image with the essence of who I am, you’d think some more.”

4. Speedwalking away from my problems.

“My sleep deprivation thinks that’s funny, thank you very much. It naturally gets its poor sense of humor from me.”

5. Violating yet another societal norm.

“Ultimately, I think all I want is for everyone to like me, so I don’t understand why I insist on constantly making this goal so unattainable for myself.”

6. Downloading a death reminder app.

“If the fact that I couldn’t stop wheeze-laughing through intensely dramatic confession scenes in romance movies like The Fault in Our Stars and Call Me By Your Name wasn’t the first indication that I have some emotional screws loose, then I think this post will do it.”

7. Bartering ukulele songs for tacos.

“I say yes to a lot of things indiscriminately because you can never predict what choices will land you in a weird situation.”

8. “Cooking” zoodles.

“I’d wanted to make zoodles, or zucchini noodles, because I love exploring disturbing concepts.”

9. Playing god with a group chat.

“I’ve said before that one of my favorite pastimes is committing my future self to obligations I’ll regret, and now I’ve got the perfect accompanying anecdote.”

10. My complete lack of preparation departing for and returning from Seoul, SK.

Friend: How do you say hello?

Me:

Me: That’s a very interesting question.

11. Leaping off a moving vehicle.

“This is gonna be such a stupid story.”

12. Voluntarily dining at Golden Corral.

“It was like the revolving door of the depths of humanity.”

Now when someone asks me what I write about on here, I’ll be ready. Ready to forget every post I’ve written in four years, including this one. Naturally.

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Last year’s post: How I Wasted 2017: Blog Highlight Reel