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humor. storytelling. general stupidity.

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when will my husband return from war, except it's a mattress

When Will My Mattress Return From War? | on moving to a new city

November 8, 2020

It turns out that moving to a new city to escape your problems just means that you have those same problems, just in Detroit, but now you’re also down a mattress that will not return from war. … More When Will My Mattress Return From War? | on moving to a new city

2 Comments When Will My Mattress Return From War? | on moving to a new city

I Accidentally Gave Myself A Bad Tattoo

December 15, 2019

As a child, I was scared of bad tattoos. I feared what’d happen if I regretted the design or content or location. I couldn’t understand leaving on my body a permanent, physical reminder of my stupidity on purpose, which is why now, as an adult, I gave myself a permanent, physical reminder of my stupidity … More I Accidentally Gave Myself A Bad Tattoo

6 Comments I Accidentally Gave Myself A Bad Tattoo

Consequences of Not Having Your Shit Together

August 6, 2018

The three and a half hours before my flight back from studying abroad in Korea found me scrambling around my emptied dorm with the aplomb of a newly headless chicken. Mom’s incredulous voice, on speaker, ascended from waves of blankets. Mom: You’re still packing? Me: No, I already have all the stuff in the big … More Consequences of Not Having Your Shit Together

139 Comments Consequences of Not Having Your Shit Together
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I Somehow Stranded Myself Again

December 3, 2017

Just when you think that, over the years, you’ve finally run through all the possible stupid ways to get stranded, it’s practically natural law that you immediately come across another. A month ago, I signed up for a volunteer orientation about half an hour off campus. In hindsight, I probably should’ve expected something to go … More I Somehow Stranded Myself Again

17 Comments I Somehow Stranded Myself Again

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